Almost a year

It has been almost a year since my mom died, it feels so unreal still. I know I shouldn’t but I still question the choices I made last year, nothing I can do to change them, but they run through my head, all the ‘what ifs’. Not productive.

Still trying to sort out her estate and get banking sorted in SA, which is nightmare, and a half. But, hopefully it shall be sorted out by the end of the year. I feel like perspective is needed in looking back though, advice I would give to others is:

    • give away as much as possible while you can, don’t wait for death ( I wish I had given away more of my mom’s stuff to her friends)

 

    • take the things that are important to you – silly things – I am sorry I didn’t grab one scarf or shawl

 

    • take all the photos, even if you can’t, they are so irreplaceable

 

    • take the details of your childhood, not everything, but I am so glad I got the wall hanging and Venus De Milo, they are not worth money, but every time I see them I think of all the houses they lived in with me all the times they graced my childhood walls and vanities

 

    • everyone is upset, no one has a right to claim more grief than another

 

    friends are invaluable

I miss my mom, everyday still. You know intellectually your parents will die before you, but when it happens you are still shocked. My mom was not perfect, but she was my mom and I love her very very much.

Tonight

I found a talk at #scribd by Michael Pollan, a few weeks ago and tonight it happened. It was really nice to hear him speak and discuss the history and why he wrote his current book, How to Change Your Mind. The talk felt too short and the questions were to quick, but it was wonderful to actually hear and see him.

I am curious about the actual trials and how to go about getting deeper into the treatment. As I know I can get my mind into grooves and not escape.