Current 93 – like swallowing eclipses

July 26th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Woohoo it is in stock!
Image posted by MobyPicture.com
– Posted using MobyPicture.com

Dreams creep

July 25th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Sometimes playtime is fun.

Goodbye

July 19th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

My mom texted me at 2:45 am Sunday morning to tell me my Aunt Lynette died. As much as I hoped she would pull through one more time it was not to happen. She will not see her son get married – this coming Friday, she will not make apple strudel, she will not travel as she dreamed. Life is short.

How to put into words what Lynette meant to me? She was loud, she was opinionated, she was kind, she was generous, she was out-spoken, she was funny, she drunk too much, she smoked too much, she loved so much, she wore clothes that never fit right, she was fearless. I loved her very much. I used to call her my second mother, she would embarrass me, she taught me to dance, she taught me how to make coffee, and she taught me to be brave.

She survived so much, a horrific car accident, terrible alcoholism, a rough childhood, some bad boyfriends, ovarian cancer, bad doctors, but in the end the cancer spread to far, and destroyed her brain. I am going to miss her. I will miss her 70’s eye makeup, loud and blue, I will miss her loud jingly bracelets, I will miss her demanding voice, I will miss her total bravery, her bad wig from chemo, her laying out and tanning in a bikini, with pins in her legs, sr.cars all over her face and all swollen from her car accident, still insistent she is beautiful and she was.

This is the bit I hate about being so far from home, I missed my Grandfather’s funeral and I will miss Lynette’s, there is no goodbye for me. I battle with this so much, I want to be home, help my Mom, have seen Lynette just once more to tell her how much I loved he

Goodbye

July 19th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

My mom texted me at 2:45 am Sunday morning to tell me my Aunt Lynette died. As much as I hoped she would pull through one more time it was not to happen. She will not see her son get married – this coming Friday, she will not make apple strudel, she will not travel as she dreamed. Life is short.

How to put into words what Lynette meant to me? She was loud, she was opinionated, she was kind, she was generous, she was out-spoken, she was funny, she drunk too much, she smoked too much, she loved so much, she wore clothes that never fit right, she was fearless. I loved her very much. I used to call her my second mother, she would embarrass me, she taught me to dance, she taught me how to make coffee, and she taught me to be brave.

She survived so much, a horrific car accident, terrible alcoholism, a rough childhood, some bad boyfriends, ovarian cancer, bad doctors, but in the end the cancer spread to far, and destroyed her brain. I am going to miss her. I will miss her 70’s eye makeup, loud and blue, I will miss her loud jingly bracelets, I will miss her demanding voice, I will miss her total bravery, her bad wig from chemo, her laying out and tanning in a bikini, with pins in her legs, sr.cars all over her face and all swollen from her car accident, still insistent she is beautiful and she was.

This is the bit I hate about being so far from home, I missed my Grandfather’s funeral and I will miss Lynette’s, there is no goodbye for me. I battle with this so much, I want to be home, help my Mom, have seen Lynette just once more to tell her how much I loved he

Ouch

July 18th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I have a fat lower lip :(, from Greg A, I walked into him when he switched direction, I don’t think he even noticed, but I am painfully aware of my swollen lip.

I think cause I just healed from chewing my lip the other day, that is why it swelled so quickly, it was fragile…

Ouch

July 18th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I have a fat lower lip :(, from Greg A, I walked into him when he switched direction, I don’t think he even noticed, but I am painfully aware of my swollen lip.

I think cause I just healed from chewing my lip the other day, that is why it swelled so quickly, it was fragile…

Bridges

July 17th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I burn bridges, I know I do, it is so I can’t go back.

I am slightly out of it tonight, one vodka tonic and one vicodin(thanks dre :)), but it makes me see things slowly, and almost but not quite, I see things as far away. People have such weird views about me, it often confuses me. Das Bunker was an off kilter night, odd crowd, never quite jelled.

But, I wore one of my favourite dresses, and felt pretty. My clothes, a hot button issue :(. I dress for me, I dress for me to feel special, beautiful and invincible. My clothes mean so much to me, I wish I could explain, it is not to make people stare and wonder at me, it is to make me feel protected, to feel I am me, and I have chosen to be a little different, sure. I have chosen to match the pictures in my head and my imagination and written a story, and my clothes are part of that story.

I am in my head: a princess, a fairy, a victorian lady, a fighter, a queen, a inscrutable lover, a dream, unobtainable, and a hard bitten sarcastic rocker. My clothes reflect all of this, in my head. Do I look pretty? Do I look nice? Do you love me? I am not you, I am me, always, just love the me.

I thought about Hrvoje, I thought about patience, I thought about kindness, and I thought about living, such is life.

Bridges

July 17th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I burn bridges, I know I do, it is so I can’t go back.

I am slightly out of it tonight, one vodka tonic and one vicodin(thanks dre :)), but it makes me see things slowly, and almost but not quite, I see things as far away. People have such weird views about me, it often confuses me. Das Bunker was an off kilter night, odd crowd, never quite jelled.

But, I wore one of my favourite dresses, and felt pretty. My clothes, a hot button issue :(. I dress for me, I dress for me to feel special, beautiful and invincible. My clothes mean so much to me, I wish I could explain, it is not to make people stare and wonder at me, it is to make me feel protected, to feel I am me, and I have chosen to be a little different, sure. I have chosen to match the pictures in my head and my imagination and written a story, and my clothes are part of that story.

I am in my head: a princess, a fairy, a victorian lady, a fighter, a queen, a inscrutable lover, a dream, unobtainable, and a hard bitten sarcastic rocker. My clothes reflect all of this, in my head. Do I look pretty? Do I look nice? Do you love me? I am not you, I am me, always, just love the me.

I thought about Hrvoje, I thought about patience, I thought about kindness, and I thought about living, such is life.

Going Forward

Dreams

July 16th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Sometimes I wonder what I want to happen, what dreams I want to come true. I know I had dreams as a child that just moved on, but what of the ones that still move me?

Dreams

July 16th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Sometimes I wonder what I want to happen, what dreams I want to come true. I know I had dreams as a child that just moved on, but what of the ones that still move me?

Dreams

July 15th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Sometimes I wonder what I want to happen, what dreams I want to come true. I know I had dreams as a child that just moved on, but what of the ones that still move me?

July 14th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I am a person!

July 14th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

I came home exhausted from the gym to a big surprise, my USA passport arrived! Woohoo.

I am a person!

July 13th, 2010 § 1 comment § permalink

I came home exhausted from the gym to a big surprise, my USA passport arrived! Woohoo.

Black eyed susans

July 13th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

Black eyed susans dying back for summer.
Image posted by MobyPicture.com
– Posted using MobyPicture.com

Where am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for July, 2010 at Dreaming and Doing.