How Long?

April 29th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

48 days and counting, almost 8 weeks.

I have not learnt a new skill, mastered a new language, deep cleaned my apartment, gotten super fit etc.

I have, cooked, eaten, slept, worked out and lived.

Which is harder? People talk about grief and depression, I feel bad for them. I am sad, but not depressed, I am upset but not angry. When I moved to SF I was depressed. When my relationship ended I was depressed, and battled. But now? I am just sad. We are a people on a single planet with no empathy. We live in a marvellous world and we barely look up. We value experiences as much as we can post a video or photo. We live to work, not work to live.

I don’t want that. I made these choices a long time ago, what I wanted and what I value. This has made it clearer. I still don’t miss TV, or more stuff, oh, I miss the camaraderie around it, but I don’t miss the desire to see what happens. Most stuff seems pointlessly cruel and mean spirited.

I miss having a partner with me, to cook with, to do things with, to talk over ideas with. To hold hands with. To go on walks with, debate what to cook, and disagree with.

SF is prettier without all the traffic and rush and clusterness of people, but now also highlights the intense unequal distribution of wealth. So many have nots, due to so many factors, and everyone wants an easy answer. But, unless the USA starts helping out with mental health and loses the ‘pull you up by the bootstraps’ scenario/dream, it is not happening.

hair and out and about

April 27th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Did my hair and make up today – look I know how to do eyeliner still! For my social distancing walk to Embarcadero! Watched a giant ship dwarf the bay bridge as it came in, and to show I am eating healthy my lovely breakfast of strawberries, blueberries, passion fruit, greek yogurt and a smidge of granola. #shelterinplace #containership #baybridge #sf #breakfast (at San Francisco, California)


April 23rd, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Very empty street in sf today around midday. #shelterinplace #sf #downtown (at San Francisco, California)

Flowers, Ring

April 16th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Today I treated myself to flowers at the Farmer’s Market and on Sunday I found a wishbone ring that fits my thumb perfectly. #beauty #protea #ring (at San Francisco, California)


April 12th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

I kept feeling Badtzi around me last night, like he came back to take me with him, I miss my kitties so much, but him more than anything. He was so smart and so sweet.

Maybe he misses me? And wants to come with him?

It is the second death feeling I have had in a week. Last week it was the death of a dog, which seems to be a portent for the death of a friend. I hope I am wrong.

Sutro Baths Trip

April 12th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Today’s excursion, all the wildflowers are in bloom and although everything was grey, seeing the sea was immensely soothing. #shelterinplace2020 #sutrobaths #wildflowers

Happy Birthday Mommy

April 8th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

You would be 73 today!

I love you

Pink Moon

April 6th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Funny how often I write about Pink Moon. The famous Nick Drake song.

This year the pink moon will fall on what would have been my mom’s 73rd birthday. I miss her so much, still everyday. But, at the same time I am so glad she is not here experiencing this pandemic. I worry about my dad, but my mom I would have freaked out about daily. Social distancing, not going out, she would have laughed and ignored me, nevermind her useless b/f waste of breathe he was, he would have just told her not to worry, and go get him whatever he wanted at the store, as he was to damn lazy to go himself.

I went to work today – mainly to water plants, get my monitor and stuff to set up my home area a little better. My next goal is a decent chair, not an ugly one though, boy is that hard.

Week 3…I think

April 5th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Time is fluid, I mean we all know that. It feels like yesterday I started Shelter In Place and last year both. This week was productive, cooking, baking, and cleaning. Plus work 🙂

This weekend alone I made: bread and also Alison Roman’s: The cookies were great, they always are, but the bread was a little bland, might use whole wheat flour next time, and add some fold ins.

Other than that, my bathroom is clean, my makeup brushes are clean and my laundry done and packed away.

Delta refunded my Atlanta flight, and now to get my flight to SA refunded :(. But on the plus side, I am getting better at working out in my apartment, I am learning some new moves, and getting better in my form.

Another month to go.

April 4th, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Yesterday’s walk. Practicing social distancing was easy as very few people were out. Which is eerie and reassuring at the same time. Spring is here. So many flowers and birds out. The birds were all a twitter, lovely to spend time watching them. #shelterinplace #fridayafternoon #sf #blossoms #birds #bay (at San Francisco, California)

Mishima – Death Poem

April 3rd, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

A small night storm blows
Saying ‘falling is the essence of a flower’
Preceding those who hesitate

— Yukio Mishima

April 2nd, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Rice Pudding
By AA Milne

What is the matter with Mary Jane?
She’s crying with all her might and main,
And she won’t eat her dinner – rice pudding again –
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

What is the matter with Mary Jane?
I’ve promised her dolls and a daisy-chain,
And a book about animals – all in vain –
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

What is the matter with Mary Jane?
She’s perfectly well, and she hasn’t a pain;
But, look at her, now she’s beginning again! –
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

What is the matter with Mary Jane?
I’ve promised her sweets and a ride in the train,
And I’ve begged her to stop for a bit and explain –
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

What is the matter with Mary Jane?
She’s perfectly well and she hasn’t a pain,
And it’s lovely rice pudding for dinner again!
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

April 1st, 2020 § 0 comments § permalink

Death, be not proud (Holy Sonnet 10)

By John Donne

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
Thou’art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy’or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

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