Dreaming and Doing

“Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell.”

I read this today and wow, it is the most moving quote I have seen. From the Two Towers by Tolkein.

It is my mom’s birthday this week, she has been dead 8 months, and it has gotten easier in some ways harder in others. I miss her every single day, I miss the ability to call her up, and just listen to her talk, I miss being able to tell her all my news. I miss the ability to know she heard what I had to say, knew I was going to ignore her advice, and still love me. I miss her interest in my friends and my life. And I wish she could see what wonderful people her grandkids are becoming. My nephews are so great, my sister is doing such a good job, I am in awe of her ability to raise a kid, never mind two!

Going shopping or out is sometimes an exercise in effort as I see all the things she would love. Yesterday I saw a coat I knew she would love, and nevermind how much she would have loved SF, the details, the food, the experience. If I think about it to much I still cry. But, I know Charlotte and I did the best we could, I don’t think I will ever forgive her b/f and I am okay with that.