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onward – we are all made of stars

My heart is full
My heart is wide
The saddest songs are played
On the strings of my heart”

  • Harbour by Moby sung by Sinead O’Conner (on 18)

Andreas and I must have listened to this album by Moby a million times, saw him twice or more and sung along. But, listening to it today I am struck about how sad the lyrics are and the arrangements, the strings just drip heartbreak. I truly loved Andreas, with all my heart, we were not meant to be for numerous reasons, but I wanted him to be happy. I think that is how you know you love someone with a pure heart. You don’t want to own them, you know you cannot be together and although you love them deeply you let them go and want them to find love and happiness.

Love grows and changes over the years, deepens or lessens, shifts and flows. My greatest weakness is always been the same, I love. It hurts to love, it hurts to be open, it hurts to see people as they are and accept them. Flaws, strengths, idiosyncrasies, weaknesses, humans are inherently flawed but contain lifetimes of beauty.

It has been a rough few weeks. Pandemic fatigue, medical issues, burnout, more deaths in my sphere. I wish I had the ability to hug all my friends going through pain. I wish I had the money to throw at their problems. I wish for all of us to be able to sit and laugh and cry and just be.

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